In conservative circles, there has been a growing movement to change policies that would end no-fault divorce options and encourage couples to stay married in the name of children, even when those marriages are marked by violence.
For example, in a 2016 speech at Christian Center Shreveport, House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA), who has a “covenant marriage,” blamed both no-fault divorce laws and the teaching of evolution for amoral actions like school shootings.
California passed the first no-fault divorce law under Governor Ronald Reagan (R-CA) back in 1969. So it’s the fault of Ronald Reagan and Charles Darwin?
The Republican Party platforms in Texas and Nebraska also call for ending no-fault divorce (and some other pretty substantial changes to marriage).
Texas’s platform also expresses support for covenant marriage, which is a religious-based contract that states such as Louisiana, Arizona, and Arkansas have passed to make it significantly harder to get a divorce.
Michigan GOP gubernatorial candidate Tudor Dixon even proposed banning books that are about divorce. She expressed concern about the impact on children.
Does that include books about divorcees like Ronald Reagan and Donald Trump?
Clearly, efforts to make it more difficult to get divorced or to even talk about divorce are often made in the name of “protecting children,” but let’s be clear, keeping children in violent or unhappy families can be disastrous to their lives and well-being.
Republican Vice-Presidential Candidate J.D. Vance talked about divorce at California’s Pacifica Christian High School in the following video obtained by VICE News. He said:
This is one of the great tricks that I think the sexual revolution pulled on the American populace, which is the idea that like, “well, okay, these marriages were fundamentally, you know, they were maybe even violent, but certainly they were unhappy. And so getting rid of them and making it easier for people to shift spouses like they change their underwear, that’s going to make people happier in the long term.”
And maybe it worked out for the moms and dads, though I’m skeptical. But it really didn’t work out for the kids of those marriages. And that’s what all of us should be honest about, is we’ve run this experiment in real time. And what we have is a lot of very, very real family dysfunction that’s making our kids unhappy.
In the discussion, Vance advocates for boosting marriage stability and formation and promotes a policy from Hungary to “send a material…and a cultural signal from leadership that marriage is important” by giving a newly married couple a loan that they would not have to repay if they stay married.
While Vance is certainly not expressing support for domestic abusers (in fact, his own life was impacted by instances of domestic violence), his words ignore and dangerously understate the severe impact that domestic violence has on children.
“What you do to children matters. And they might never forget.” — Toni Morrison
The Myth of Marital Stability in Violent Homes
Proponents of maintaining marital stability often argue that children need both parents in the home to thrive. However, this perspective fails to consider the quality of the home environment. Research has consistently shown that the presence of domestic violence severely undermines any potential benefits of a two-parent household. Children exposed to domestic violence are at risk of a range of negative outcomes, including physical harm, emotional trauma, and developmental delays.
In fact, research finds that allowing no-fault divorce has resulted in declines in domestic violence, suicide, and the murder of women.
Emotional and Psychological Impact
According to a study published in the Journal of Family Violence, children exposed to domestic violence are more likely to suffer from anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) compared to their peers from non-violent homes. These children live in a state of constant fear and uncertainty, which can impede their ability to form healthy relationships and trust others. Children exposed to domestic violence “tripled the odds of perpetrating violence toward a partner.”
“The single most important precursor to adult violence is domestic violence.” — George Albee
Moreover, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) highlights that children who grow up in violent homes are more likely to exhibit behavioral problems, including aggression and delinquency. The emotional turmoil caused by witnessing violence can manifest in disruptive behaviors, making it difficult for these children to succeed in school and other social settings.
A key finding from a study published in Pediatric Clinics is that “any level of exposure to violence in any form is associated with considerable impairment in children similar to other forms of child abuse and maltreatment.”
Physical Health Consequences
The impact of domestic violence on children is not limited to emotional and psychological harm. A report by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) indicates that children exposed to domestic violence are at higher risk of experiencing physical abuse themselves. The physical abuse of newborns, toddlers, school-aged children, and adolescents is sometimes hidden in domestic violence situations, but it is significant.
Also, even if they are not directly abused, the stress of living in a violent environment can lead to significant physical health problems. Chronic exposure to stress, as seen in children from violent homes, has been linked to, for example, cardiovascular disease and immune system dysfunction. The toxic stress these children endure can have lasting effects on their physical well-being, well into adulthood.
“There can be no keener revelation of a society’s soul than the way in which it treats its children.” — Nelson Mandela
Developmental Delays and Academic Challenges
The chaotic environment of a violent home can severely disrupt a child’s development. Research finds that children who witness domestic violence often experience developmental delays. These can include delays in language skills, cognitive development, and social-emotional growth.
Academic performance also suffers significantly. Children from violent homes have higher rates of absenteeism and lower academic achievement. The trauma and stress they experience can make it difficult to concentrate, retain information, and perform well in school. This educational setback can have long-term consequences on their future opportunities and economic stability.
Countering the Argument: The Fallacy of Staying Together for the Kids
Speaker Johnson’s and Vice-Presidential Candidate Vance’s argument that couples should stay in marriages for the sake of their children, even in cases of violence, is fundamentally flawed. It ignores the overwhelming evidence that children are better off when they are not exposed to violence.
Single-Parent Homes Can Be Safe Havens
Contrary to the notion that single-parent homes are inherently detrimental to children, many studies have shown that children can thrive in such environments, provided they are free from violence and instability.
The Office of Women’s Health writes:
Children do best in a safe, stable, loving environment, whether that’s with one parent or two.
Single parents who are free from abusive partners often provide a stable, loving environment for their children. They can focus on their children’s needs without the constant fear and stress that comes with living with an abuser. This stability is crucial for the healthy development of children.
As researcher and journalist Sara Shoener writes:
To be sure, children who enjoy the support of two adults fare better on average than those who do not, and parents with loving partners often benefit from greater emotional and economic security. However, I have seen the ways in which prioritizing two-parent families tethers victims of violence to their assailants, sacrifices safety in the name of parental rights and helps batterers maintain control. Sweeping rhetoric about the value of marriage and father involvement is not just incomplete. For victims of domestic violence, it’s dangerous.
Legal and Social Support for Survivors and Their Children
Efforts to eliminate no-fault divorce and pressure couples to stay together overlook the importance of legal and social support for survivors of domestic violence and their children. No-fault divorce allows individuals to leave abusive marriages without having to prove fault, which can be a daunting and dangerous process. By making it easier for survivors to escape violent relationships, no-fault divorce laws protect the well-being of both women and children.
Organizations such as the National Organization for Women (NOW) argue that access to no-fault divorce is essential for the safety and well-being of domestic violence survivors. Restricting this access traps individuals in dangerous situations, perpetuating the cycle of violence and exposing women and children to continued harm.
Policy Recommendations: Protecting Children from Domestic Violence
If politicians like Speaker Johnson and Vice-Presidential Candidate Vance truly want to protect and prioritize the well-being of children, they should adopt measures that address the root causes and consequences of domestic violence. This includes:
- Prevention Initiatives: Developing and implementing prevention programs that address the root causes of domestic violence. These can include community education, support groups, and early intervention strategies to identify and help at-risk families before violence occurs. Furthermore, to reduce stress in families, policymakers must do better in support families with children, such as expanding the Child Tax Credit, home visiting programs, and family resource centers.
- Strengthening Support Systems: Providing robust support services for domestic violence survivors, including safe housing, counseling, and financial assistance. These services help survivors rebuild their lives and provide a stable environment for their children.
- Promoting Awareness and Education: Increasing public awareness about the impact of domestic violence on children and the importance of safe, non-violent homes. Education programs in schools can also help children recognize and seek help for domestic violence.
- Ensuring Access to No-Fault Divorce: Preserving and promoting access to no-fault divorce laws to allow individuals to leave abusive relationships without unnecessary legal hurdles. This legal protection is crucial for the safety and well-being of both survivors and their children.
- Rejecting “Parental Rights” Laws That Undermine Child Safety: Some policymakers and “parental rights” advocates are pushing changes to the law that threaten the health, safety, and well-being of children under the guise of “parental rights”. Children are not property and have inherent fundamental rights that are often rejected and undermined by some of these laws.
- Integrating Trauma-Informed Practices: Implementing trauma-informed practices in schools, healthcare settings, and social services to better support children who have experienced domestic violence. This includes training professionals to recognize and respond to the signs of trauma.
- Funding Research and Intervention Programs: Investing in research to understand the long-term effects of domestic violence on children and developing effective intervention programs. This research can inform policies and practices aimed at mitigating the impact of domestic violence.
“Children are a gift from God. They are not throw-away objects. We should not abuse them, but should love them dearly.”
Desmond Tutu
The notion that children benefit from staying in violent marriages is not only misguided but also dangerous. The evidence is clear: domestic violence has devastating effects on children, impacting their emotional, physical, and developmental health and well-being. Policies that encourage couples to stay in abusive relationships in the name of marital stability do a grave disservice to the very children they claim to protect.