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In this episode, Messellech “Selley” Abebe sits down with Juana Silverio to talk about what happens when systems claim to protect kids—but don’t. Silverio is a civil rights strategist, political organizer, and leadership coach who spent years inside the federal government and now works to help others lead with alignment, honesty, and rest. By leading with rest, she emphasizes sustainable leadership, self-care, and setting boundaries so you can show up fully for your community. Together, Abebe and Silverio explore what real advocacy looks like, why community matters, and how “aunties” everywhere step in when the system falls short. This conversation dives into generational trauma, radical self-trust, and the joy of seeing children dream for themselves—reminding us that rest, love, and showing up for one another are all forms of resistance.

To learn more about Juana Silverio and her work, you can visit the VIP Coaching website, listen to her podcast JinTransit, and follow her on Instagram.

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Transcript

Child 1  0:01  

Do you think the government cares about kids? Why or why not? 

Child 2  0:005

No, I don’t think they really care about kids.

Child 3  0:09 

Black kids, no, because we mostly get blamed for the stuff that happens at schools. Gang associated violence and stuff like that.

Juana Silverio  0:18  

The government doesn’t care about kids the end.

Child 1  0:21  

Have you ever felt like grown ups weren’t listening to kids?

Speaker 2  0:24  

Yeah, yes, 

Child 3

Yeah. When, like, you have like, younger siblings and like they like, show like, favoritism over them, and like, no matter how much stuff they do, it doesn’t really matter

Selley Abebe 0:34  

Who looks out for kids when the system doesn’t?

Child 1  0:36  

Describe your favorite auntie.

Child 2  0:40

She takes me to Sephora and the mall.

Child 3  0:44  

My favorite Auntie is Miss Simone, because she’s known me the longest and she knows me the best.

Juana Silverio  0:49  

My favorite auntie, her name is filo that’s my dad’s little sister. She doesn’t have any kids, so she treats me like her own child, and every time I see her, she gives me $50 even till this day. 

Child 1  1:02

Wow, you must be rich. Yeah.

Selley Abebe  1:06  

Hey, ambassadors, welcome back to Speaking of Kids. I’m Selley this week is all about power and what it feels like when systems say they’re here to protect kids, but don’t. It’s all about how families, communities, and all of us aunties out there fill the gaps when the government falls short. So really, what even is an auntie? And this is something that I’ve been trying to articulate clearly and define for our producers for a few weeks, and randomly, I happen to be looking for a new show on Netflix, and stumbled on, never have I ever and in season one, I think episode two or three, I’m sitting here watching this, and there is such a succinct, articulate definition of what an auntie is in our lives, for those that are fortunate enough to have aunties in your lives. So here it goes.

Speaker 2  2:09  

Oh, God, Auntie’s approaching. Don’t look where. Where should I not look?

Speaker 4  2:16  

Aunties are older Indian women who have no blood relationship to you, but are allowed to have opinions about your life and all your shortcomings, and you have to be nice to them because you’re Indian.

Selley Abebe  2:25  

For some listening today, you may be wondering, what is an auntie? And in a lot of cultures around the world, in Caribbean culture, in some European cultures and Indian cultures, and I know in my case, in growing up in an Ethiopian household, we have a sense of community, where our extended family, our parents, close friends, are oftentimes referred to as auntie and uncle. And so, you know, the role in some cultures and a lot of cultures, globally, of an auntie is so important. I know, in my case, I try to fill and meet the needs of my nieces and nephews anytime I see them, and so if they have a problem, I’m invested, and I see them often. It’s really important to me that my children grow up engaged with their aunties, and I’m very grateful for the role that aunties play in my kids’ lives. And our guest today is one of the greatest aunties of all time, Juana Silverio, she’s a civil rights strategist, political organizer, leadership coach, and just goes so hard for her nieces and nephews. Juana spent years inside the federal government. She has seen what works, what doesn’t, and what it really takes to shift power towards justice, and now, through coaching and advocacy, she’s helping others lead with alignment, honesty and rest. We’ll talk about generational trauma, false promises, radical self trust and the joy of seeing your two year old dance to Soka Juana, thank you so much for being here today. 

Juana Silverio  4:02  

I am so excited to be here. Thank you so much for inviting me.

Selley Abebe  4:06  

You know, I know that you have a good number of nieces and nephews, and so I want to start off by asking you, you know, if one of them came to you and said, Does the government take care of kids, how would you answer them? I know that’s a loaded question, but in this environment, how would you answer them? Based on your experience.

Juana Silverio  4:26  

I would say no, but you would probably be surprised that they would tell me no. They are very aware I have three girls and a boy, and I wish I had brought the video for you of the boy. He was in the kitchen the other day with my mom, and he goes, Nana, I am still very confused why this administration is the administration that we have. And I have just a wonderful idea. And my Nana, you know, my mom, is just like what I’m so confused. Yeah, I know it’s just, you know, it’s been so unkind. Yes, it’s really unkind. But I can’t wait to grow up, because I’m just gonna put them in jail. And for a five year old to be this aware, to be having this conversation with my 72 year old mother, unprompted, as he is going through a mouse device is unprecedented, because, you know, we, we do have conversations. We do have the television on, but the logic it to me has been, it’s not conversations that I had expected to be having. But no, I would say, No, we’re not taking care of them. And I would never try to lie at this point and say that, that we are going in the direction of taking care of our children.

Selley Abebe  5:48  

You know, and I think you brought up a good point. I mean, kids are paying attention, you know, whether we like it or not, and they’re being impacted, right? You know, I have a few friends that live in California, and there are classmates and friends of theirs from school that just stopped coming to school for one reason or another, right? And so as a parent, in some situations, depending on the community you live in, you’re forced to talk about these things and address them because they have questions

Juana Silverio  6:17  

Absolutely, absolutely. And the questions have been, you know, harder and harder to have, I mean, even within family, right? Like bringing it back to my own backyard, because my sister actually had a play date with family friends, and it came down just to, like, skin color. And my mom’s friend’s granddaughter is fair skinned, and her cousin is darker skinned. And she was just like, I am so glad that I don’t tan, because ICE wouldn’t come for me. And my sister literally had to have a conversation about how my skin color, or her cousin’s skin color, you know, is beautiful, and it’s not about skin color, it’s about your character and that we would take care of you. But like the fact that we’re having these conversations, and that the young lady was scared of sitting in the sun and comparing herself to her cousin. I mean it we already have, as a community, generational trauma that we are trying to overcome, you know, in particularly in Latino communities, and this has just compounded that. So it is, it is sad, and the fact that we do have to have these conversations, and they’re thinking about this in the summer, when it’s supposed to be a carefree time, is sad.

Selley Abebe  7:43  

An on that point right? Like you also spent years inside government working on civil rights, what did that teach you, or what did that expose to you in terms of how power works, especially, you know, when it comes to protecting the most vulnerable,

Juana Silverio  7:58  

It’s a facade, really. That’s what it taught me. And I I’m sad to say, that that’s what it is, right? I think, I mean, I was in the US Commission on Civil Rights. It was two turns, and it literally took every bit of me to to understand that it was a popularity game, for lack of a better word. I mean, because there were folks who were sitting on the commission for years and years and years. And nothing would get accomplished unless you were, you had the right special assistant, or it was, like the right climate, or, you know, it was a game of numbers. So like, if the President was right and they had turned off, and we just happened to get, you know, a certain majority in at the time, then that body would have, you know, X amount of folks there who would be able to study certain topics that we would then be able to push forward or recommend towards Congress and the President in order to move certain topics along in civil rights, you know. But as we saw you, packed the court, and those rights are no longer existing. And so that that has been it was disappointing to see that it was eroding over time. Also, I worked at the federal level for a really long time. The work really doesn’t happen at the federal level. It really does happen at the local and state level, and the fact that there’s so much emphasis in the DC or the beltway the DMV, when really one party took so much effort at the state legislature and local levels, which is why we’re seeing a lot of the pain points and the degradation in our civil liberties right now, is equal parts devastating and fascinating to watch.

Selley Abebe  9:54  

Yeah. I mean, you know, really the purpose of this podcast is to.

Juana Silverio  10:00  

To have people get a slightly better understanding, you know, what feels kind of abstract and amorphous and just like stuff that happens in DC. And for better or for worse, these policies and these laws do have real life consequences that people feel every day, you know, and so for you, it’s hard to see the way, like the sausage is being made, and then also look at the ways that there is a possibility there is a path right? Like we know that if the right factors come together, progress can be made, because we’ve seen it in the past, right? But in some moments like this, when it does feel overwhelming, and as an advocate, how do you reconcile that? I think you start at home. One of the things that I started after the Obama administration or the Obama campaign, not even the administration the Obama campaign, there were some of my colleagues who were looking to see how they could, you know, get on in the Obama administration. And not everybody can get in, like even my, you know, very talented organizers, they cannot all get in. And so my advice to them was, you know, your power is home. You know, let’s find an issue that you are passionate about, and those who took the advice have become amazing advocates in issues like gun violence prevention, in reproductive rights. They’ve gone on to write books. They have gone on to, you know, run state ballot initiatives. They’ve gone on to work in public radio. They’re working as communication directors in railroads, so transportation and infrastructure issues around the country. They’ve worked in embassies and went on to, you know, get master’s degrees, but they focused their efforts in their communities, and really did make incremental but very impactful difference at home. And so I think that that’s where we are, again, where we are, I mean, and it never changed, right? Like politics is local people don’t want to believe it, but at the end of the day, like, that’s where it’s happening. Like the only thing that it’s not the only thing, but the biggest thing that the that DC provides is the framework, right? It gives you the money at the end of the day. Like that money has to get trickled down to your state. The state then has to give it to someone to administer in the local level. At the local level, then that is where, you know, the sausage is actually made.

Selley Abebe  12:47  

And now with these cuts, there’s going to be a lot less that’s going to be trickled down,

Unknown Speaker  12:52  

a lot less, like,

Juana Silverio 12:55  

I mean, I mean, and that’s the unfortunate part, because there was so much money. There’s so much money on the streets, due to Bill, due to PAC, due to you name it. You know that came chips that was out, and if that money was not already in the hands of these local entities, all the way down to the physical nonprofit organization that was going to administer it like the opportunity has been lost. And so, yeah, those job creations like that was it turns out that it’s a myth if we didn’t take advantage of it when the money was put

Selley Abebe  13:36  

out, shifting gears a little bit. But taking it back to, you know, Auntie duties. I’ve always been excited to be an auntie, and I’ve officially been one for about seven years now, unofficially longer, but of course, it’s like the best job ever, and I already know that you’re the cool auntie. I try some. I mean, I’m a little tough, no, but they need that. They need that because we’re also grown now. We’re also grown now, so we have a little bit more wisdom, yes, but in general, just given your background, given what you currently do, which we’ll get into a little bit, you know, what kind of Auntie are you trying to be? It sounds like even your little five year old nephew is on the right path in terms of just advocating for himself. But what do you wish for your nieces and nephew?

Juana Silverio  14:25  

You know, I want them to like dream for themselves, right? I think that as a first generation Dominican American, like I think I lived like someone else’s dream for such a long time. And I’m not saying like I, you know, turned out bad. I think I turned out amazing. But like, I think, like, as an auntie, like, it is like, a huge responsibility for me, like, I did a lot of work for them, right? And so I, I want them to enjoy the fruits of my labor. And, like, really have the space to, like, dream. Their dream and like, not be afraid to, like, mess up and, like, start over again and ask us questions. I think, like, there’s like, a generation that is, like, trying to do this on their own, and I’m like, why we did it? I don’t get that. And so I really want them to, like, use us like, this is why we are here. This is why we did all the things that we did. So you don’t have to do it.

Selley Abebe 15:30  

Right. Take the shortcuts. Like, take them, because it’s still a long road, and no one else can do it but you. But take the shortcuts, absolutely, like my goodness, or take the lessons that may lead you. You know, because some things they just got to learn on their own.

Juana Silverio  15:47  

Absolutely, and it is a conversation I have with my I’ve had to have with my brother a few times, right? Because my first one is going to college next year. She is amazing. Actually, she’s probably going into college with two years of college already under her belt. She just finished an amazing program in Kentucky, the governor’s Scholars Program, and I. Girl, I went into, like, this hotel spin of like, I’m going to, like, find out who’s gonna get her in and all these other stuff. Girl, it was a whole thing. First of all, she got herself in I had to do nothing,

Selley Abebe  16:24  

but you were prepared. You

Juana Silverio 16:27  

and my brother calls me one at one point. And he was just like, Ah, I’m thinking she should really have to do this on her own. And like, I had, like, this whole conversation with her, with one of her granddads, and I was just like, I can’t believe that they do not want me to do this for that. And he looked at me, he’s just like, Yeah, I’m thinking like, she may have to do this on her own. So at the end of the day, yes, I guess they are right. They do need to do certain things on their own. And so yes, I want to be that Auntie that, you know, wants to give them the space to drink, dream their own dream. But yeah, like, please also come and, like, use me too.

Selley Abebe  17:16  

I love that, and that lends itself to my next question around your coaching work. You know, when you talk a lot about radical self trust and alignment, and again, for a lot of our listeners that are in the midst of just everything that’s going on right now, you know, what does that mean to you? Like, like, like, how do people use that and can embrace that

Juana Silverio  17:42  

in this moment. Ooh, yeah, that’s a that’s a big one. So I would say what it’s looked like for me is that it’s leaning into, like, what your body is telling you, right? You know, in full disclosure, like, I actually got sick around the holidays, and thankfully, I’m on the mend, but I kept telling myself, as I was healing, that there was something that I was going to be able to do, but my body was telling me the complete opposite, like where I could literally feel itself eating like my body was eating itself, like you could physically feel it. It was clenching, like, into itself to the point where it was like a fight. And so as soon as, like, I literally, like, sat down and had to, you know, like, let my brain rest. And, like, Listen to what my body was saying that, no, like, you are not going to be able to to do the things that you keep trying to force your body, your mind into. It literally stopped eating itself. And that’s what I mean about like, just being in alignment and being truthful about what it is that you can and can’t do. What it’s looked like, is like accepting that I needed rest, accepting that I really wasn’t going to be able to push through and work in certain spaces, regardless of you know, how across the lines the work may have seen, you Know, seemed and that I was going to have to, like, break out of certain circles in order to figure out what it is that my next steps were going to be. I’ve been inviting folks to be uncomfortable with what that looks like, and that, you know, their new steps are not going to be looking like, what they’re, you know, their old circles are going to, you know, look like and that’s okay. I’ve slept a lot, I’ve cried a lot, and it, you know, but it’s felt good. It’s just not comfortable. Yeah? I mean, doing that deep work, it’s taxing, yeah? And I think a lot of people, especially in this current environment, are starting. To ask themselves some of these questions, because it feels like the things are shifting right between, again, like AI, social media, you know, just like the way we communicate, the way we parent our lifestyle, globally, things are shifting. So it feels like a lot and people are asking themselves some deeper questions, right? I mean, the other thing too is, like, you don’t have to do it on your own. And I think a lot of the myth is that we’re out here, like, we can’t tell people that this is, like, what we’re going through, or, you know, we can’t ask for help. And I think, you know, some of the successes I’ve seen recently have been folks willing to say, like, this is what I’m going through, and this is like, the help that I need, and reaching out to their networks, and the networks have been responsive, saying, like, what they can and can’t do. Because I, like I said, there are some folks in, you know, in younger generations, who who have not been given or or think that they can’t. And so I have appreciated seeing folks like in our age group really teaching and leading by example that you know you don’t have to do this by yourself.

Selley Abebe  21:13  

Let’s pause right here. Coming up. Wanna gets honest about burnout, boundaries and why? Sometimes saying no is the most radical thing you can do. Welcome back ambassadors. What happens when your mind says push through, but your body says stop. Juana Silverio has lived that tension, and what came next was a deeper kind of advocacy, rest coaching and choosing not to do it all alone. Now she helps women, especially caregivers and change makers, make space to be themselves and question the grind without losing sight of community.

Juana Silverio  21:51  

You know, I think one of the things that the coaching is doing for women and men, you know, is that it’s giving them space to to be themselves, one. It’s also giving them space to co-create at times, right? Where they don’t have that time to do it, you know, either at home or in the workspace, that that’s also important, right? Like, right now it’s just like, go, go, go, go, or a lot of the things that I keep hearing is that folks are being pushed out. You know now that a lot of the DEI stuff has been, like, wiped out, or because there’s been so much reductions in force, you’re taking on a lot of extra responsibility, just on as one person you’re doing, like the job of five. So giving yourself the gift of coaching, or, you know that it’s not a privilege, it really is a gift, has opened up space for a lot of my coachees to really think through, like, is this something that they want to do? Or, you know, are we leaning into something that is helping you know themselves, but also their broader community. So I do think that it is another form of advocacy for themselves and for their families and their communities.

Selley Abebe  23:12  

Yeah, you know, I was at a policy link conference a number of years ago, and Angela Davis, Blackwell, I believe, and Jeffrey Canada were on and they kind of gave closing remarks, and both of them talked about rest, you know, like, like, just the importance of knowing that this is really a long term marathon, absolutely. And you know, like, rest is important to this work, and I’ve always, I’ve always leaned on that, and I think even just knowing that is important,

Juana Silverio  23:46  

rest is and also, I would say that coaching is now an aspect to a lot of this advocacy and campaign work. Every time I look at some of the training academies or even some of the campaign work I do see like a coaching component that’s been added to it, as well as rest. I you know, when I went to as a volunteer coach for the Kamala campaign in the last month, they a were unionized, and B, they had days off. They literally would not take calls on a Sunday like they were at a certain point on a Sunday. So it has really been embedded in the new way of advocating. Because if you can’t fill your cup, like, how you know, how are you going to do for others? Right?

Selley Abebe  24:39  

Yeah, you may not be aware, but we have a speaking of kids playlist. Oh, that’s been going pretty strong, and so we always ask our guests for typically, you know, the work that we do and the folks that I’ve had the privilege of talking to, things can get a little hard in some moment. Myths. And so we’ve asked people like, what’s your song that amps you up? What’s the song that you listen to after a hard day, or even after, like, a big victory? And so as you can imagine, it’s pretty wide. It’s a pretty wide from, like, country to gospel to, I think DMX is in there, just got in there to, obviously, some Beyonce, like, it’s all over the place, yes. So what are some of your go tos?

Juana Silverio  25:23  

Okay? So this summer, I went to Beyonce twice, and that 16 carriages song, My God, it got me both times. I will say her diva song. I mean, wow. So I, yeah, those are two. And then I hands down Soka, Soka music. I don’t know if you have any Soka on that playlist,

Selley Abebe  25:53  

sonny. You know what’s so funny is talking about summer is, I recently took my kids away, and, you know, to like, Great Wolf Lodge. And by the pool, they have these, like, dance parties, oh yes, and follow the leader. Okay. And so my kids are now obsessed with that song. And so you have my two year old, like, scream, putting his hands up and saying, I love Soka. Like it is the cutest thing ever. Let me tell you. So my kids have now leaned all the way into Soca, and I actually, I thought it made me think of you. Yes.

Juana Silverio  26:26  

I mean, it’s definitely the happy people genre.

Selley Abebe  26:35  

You can’t be mad listening to. So I love it. We’ll definitely put in a few there. Yeah. Well, thank you so much, Juana, for your time, for your stories, and you know, for all the work that you’re doing. Thank

Juana Silverio  26:46  

you. No, thank you as well for the work that you were doing. I really had fun speaking with you.

Selley Abebe  26:52  

There’s a lot I’m thinking about after talking with Juana, but what I keep coming back to is her reminder that advocacy isn’t just about policy or protests, and oftentimes it’s about how we show up for the people in our lives. And in case you needed to hear this today, you don’t have to do it all alone. You don’t have to have it all figured out, and rest is part of the work. If this episode gave you something to think about, or helped you feel a little bit more seen. Share it. Somebody else might need it too. Speaking of kids, is a podcast by first focus on children. It’s produced by wind Haven productions and blue jay Atlantic. Elizabeth Windom is the supervising producer. Julia Windom is the editor. Jay Woodward is the Senior Producer. For more information about this episode, visit first focus.org.